Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
“Take it! That’s the power of the Holy Ghost!”
Spiritual Humor
“Take it! That’s the power of the Holy Ghost!”
“I say, praise the Lord!” The young preacher shouted at his congregation.
“Say it again! Praise. The. LORD!”
His flock applauded and stood up in agreement as the music ministry started playing a funky tune. Everyone started clapping and raising their hands in praise of God.
“OK, everyone, can’t ya feel it? That’s the Holy Ghost! Come on, sing his praises, Alleluia! Shout for joy!”
People closed their eyes and uttered joyful and spontaneous phrases that they read in the Holy Bible. They clapped off beat and sang off key and inside the mega-church, there was a single mother, Gloria, and her little daughter, Odessa.
Odessa sat in the pew all the way in the nose bleeds sitting on the bench and pondering what she was seeing in the auditorium church. Gloria sat down next to her, closed her eyes, and prayed silently.
Looking around at the flock, the little girl then looked down at the pastor, his microphone wrapped around his massive bald and shiny head. He danced and lifted his arms in a strange and rapid style.
“Come on! I say again, Praise the Lord! With ALL your might! Give glory and praise to him forever!”
Odessa stood up suddenly and closed her eyes for a second. Then the buff preacher shouted,
“Now, we’re gonna have a little fun here, alright? We’re gonna do a little praising session where someone’s gonna come to the front and speak the deeds of the LORD! Come on! Who’s with me?” The people roared in applause clapping.
“Alright, alright. Now, I’m gonna go first because I can.” Everyone laughed out of pity. “So the music team is gonna play something good and we gonna praise him as we should!”
They affirmed his words and rhyme. The band played uptempo and the crowd clapped offbeat yet again.
He turned away from the crowd in front of the massive cross empty of Jesus. It was a cross with a giant hand reaching out for all.
“Oh, Lord!” Grunts and people said ‘Amen’ under their breath as he continued.
“Dear, Father! I pray to you! I sing to you! I speak and then listen. I know your voice and I obey it!”
Odessa stood with her eyes closed but then after a moment opened them again as the pastor continued to preach. She began to fidget and started to fall over. The prayer dragged on without end. It wasn’t going to stop for a long while as she lost all her patience.
“Come Lord Jesus and fill this place with your love and peace!”
Odessa could not believe it because he hadn’t stopped yet but kept speaking endlessly it seemed. But everyone didn’t seem to mind. Turning to her mother, she saw Gloria asleep.
“Come Holy Spirit and renew the face of the earth! Only you can revive this broken world. Only you can heal this truly awful place. Only you can bring your healing touch! Only you can bring us much!”
Odessa started to shake Gloria. “Mom, are you asleep? Mom?” She snored and nodded back.
“Shout to God! Only HE can save you!” The youthful pastor finally ended as the applause went up.
“Mommy!” She woke up, startled.
“Uh, what?”
“Mom, you were sleeping. It was sooo long.”
“What was long? Is it over, baby?”
“No, no. I think it’s-”
“It has just begun folks!” The preacher announced louder than ever. Screeching from the microphone the feedback blared in his flock’s ears.
“Now, who wants to go next? Alright, come on, Momma! Yes, you, you dear sista in the Lord! Come on!” A large black woman in a bright orange and red dress and a big hat came up as the people hushed.
“Come on Momma, show us whatcha got!”
Odessa, stunned, rolled her eyes. The woman began in silence “God… you… are…”
Wanting to claw her eyes out and throw away her ears, Odessa made a strange face desperately trying to turn the clock faster.
“GOOD! Yes, you are!” The band played wildly as everyone clapped and shouted raising their arms.
“Oh, praise him! Oh, bless him, my sowl! Praise the name of the Lord from this time forth and forever mow!”
The piano went nuts, the guitars chimed in, the drummer drenched from his brow, and the backup singers danced in rhythm succinctly and sang loudly.
Odessa loved the music but the lady was far from done.
“OH, Jesus, Yes, that’s right! J-E-S-U-S!
“Je-Sus! That’s two different syllables, yessir! Come on!” The people clapped but this time they were on beat. The music sped up as it turned out to be the funkiest and best song.
People ran in place and children ran wildly shaking their bodies. Families all rejoiced and clapped and applauded yelling. Old men sang harmonies and the young girls danced.
Odessa could not believe no one was tired. Even the old ladies and the union men all wearing suits and dresses for the occasion were standing with eyes closed worshiping.
“Father, you are forgiving, you are healer, you are sanctifier, oh YES!”
She kept on repeating the name of Jesus over and over as Odessa held onto the railing as she wanted to break the metal in half. She saw Gloria fearless who began to join in the praise session as she could not believe the sight. Her stomach growled and looked over her shoulder at the clock.
Noon, almost time for lunch. We’ve been going for an hour and a half!
“I will praise him forever!” Everyone applauded as the preacher received the mic again, smiled sincerely, and clapped for her.
“Wow! That was amazing, wasn’t it? Come on, who wasn’t feelin’ the Holy Ghost! Am I right? I said, am I right?”
Everyone yelled back, “Right!”
“Well, let’s see now, who is gonna be my last praiser?” People wanted to be the next one, raising their hands with glee.
“Maybe someone with a little power, huh?” He scanned the massive crowd all praising and raising their arms but he went up the stairs instead. “Maybe someone from the back,” he asked smiling.
Odessa wanted to hide herself but as she was about to, the preacher spotted her.
“How ‘bout you, honey, huh? Come on!” Everyone started to cheer her on. She looked at her mother who encouraged her.
“Go little Odessa. Go on!” Odessa rolled her eyes and then began her descent. She looked at the uproarious crowd who cheered and clapped as she was given the microphone and all eyes were glued to the little girl, waiting.
She cracked her neck and hesitated. She wasn’t afraid, she was just hungry and sighed.
“God…” it was silent and then she closed her eyes. Then she genuinely asked, “God… where, where are you?”
She looked up and everyone still stared at her and waited patiently. She sighed with ease, closed her eyes again, and continued. “God… I don’t get it. I don’t understand why I’m here.
“Why do you let bad things happen? Why do I not hear you? I…I don’t… get why Dad left. Are you gonna leave me too? Are you? Do you even love me?”
She began to cry and rubbed her eyes. Gloria came down the steps afraid of the scene her daughter was making but waited.
The young preacher said nothing and knelt down beside her.
“What’s your name, sweetheart,” he asked as quietly as the breeze.
“Odessa,” she sniffled. “I… I don’t get it.” Her face streaked with tears. “Why…”
He said nothing but only smiled. “Odessa, I… I don’t understand sometimes myself. I…Why don’t you go to your momma, alright,” he suggested sincerely. He felt and experienced her pain.
Odessa nodded and gave him his mic. The room was silent and nobody moved as Gloria took her daughter and they quickly fled outside. She cradled her in her arms as she sobbed. She put her inside the car and sat with her in the back seat. She cried for a long time.
“Shhh… It’s OK, I’m here honey,” Gloria hushed her. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not gonna leave you. I promise.”
The service ended abruptly with the young man saying a short prayer as everyone left muttering and whispering.
“Hey, Jedidiah, that was some great Holy Ghost preachin’ there, alright,” an old man with a three-piece burgundy suit said shaking his hand.
He smiled and after most of his congregation was gone, Jedidiah looked around at the empty auditorium. After a moment, he fled to his back room locking the door. He fell face first collapsing on the floor of his tiny office.
“Why, Lord? Why does someone have to bear burdens? Like that little girl. Why,” he asked sincerely with great concern.
As he looked up at the modern cross shaped like the tree of life flowing like a rushing river with a little dove at the top, he couldn’t understand the true cross’ significance. Even if he saw a crucifix hanging with the body of Christ all bloodied and bruised, he still would find suffering repulsive. The little image of Christ Crucified terrified him, demanding a true cost to his own life. Desiring this, he choked in his throat. A tug on his heart like a fingernail digging deep into his soul touched a wound in the hole in his heart, never wanting him to be satisfied until he surrendered to it but he despised the calling.
He liked his church, he loved his family and all his friends in the community. He didn’t want to talk about suffering only praise and joy and the peace that God brings. Nothing that would demand someone’s soul to change but only to uplift them and never to cause a soul to stir or thirst for righteousness or to rely on grace.
Shaking his head and feeling disgusting from imagining Jesus’ suffering on the cross, he stood.
“Alright, anyway,” he sighed forcing a smile and rejecting the invitation, “Time to join my people for donuts! Praise Him!”
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