Extraterrestrial Infusion Blaster
Extraterrestrial Infusion Blaster
A farm, a military base, or a lava dragon. Anything is possible.
ALIEN HUMOR
A farm, a military base, or a lava dragon. Anything is possible.
Wendy entered the lonely forest alone in the back of her family’s property. All of a sudden, she heard sudden footsteps moving rapidly towards her.
She turned and a beam of yellow light shot out blinding her instantly.
“How we doing, today, little being?!”
Falling down, the light pierced her eyes as she shielded them. A strange noise buzzed and a silhouette of something big and slimy and otherworldly came into her view.
Then she soon realized the buzzing noise was from a gigantic intergalactic spaceship. The ship was wide and long with lights that gleamed shining out in the night sky for miles. Windows and doors were all scattered on the face of the metal glimmering ship.
Awestruck, the spotlight eventually turned off and she saw a weird alien with a friendly visage staring right at her.
He was a blue squid monster with a giant rock head and a light flickering on and off on top of his massive skull. The strange extraterrestrial stared at her with his green almost humanoid eyes and his giant many tentacles all slithering as blue slime remained trailing after him. A happily wide-crazed smile ran across his big blue body.
She screamed and so did the alien fleeing behind a giant rock.
Wendy held her breath and then laughed, “You- you’re scared of me?”
She went behind the giant boulder and saw the alien hiding in fear fidgeting awkwardly.
“Oh, I just thought that was how you Earth people greeted each other.”
He came out slithering like a snake but looked like an octopus, his tentacles had spikes on the end of his twenty or so “hands” all writhing viscously on the earth.
“No, we don’t do that,” Wendy said humoring as she chuckled.
“Then how do you greet one another?”
“We say hi!”
“Hi? Hi!”
“Yeah like that and then we shake hands.”
“Oh, well, you don’t wanna do that, my tentacles are acid-infused. Shaking them would result in your skin disintegrating and killing you. I wouldn’t want to do that.”
“What’s your name?” Wendy asked curious.
“My colleagues call me !A#546TH, but you may call me, TH.”
“TH? I like that. I’m Wendy!”
“Wa-wendy? Strange name.”
“You should talk. Anyway, how do you even speak my own language?”
He stopped short and then pondered this strange occurrence.
“You understand me? You’re not speaking my language?”
She shook her head, “No. You thought I was speaking your language? I thought you were speaking mine!”
“Hmmm… Curious, very, very curious.” TH pondered. “No, I’m not. And I understand you, but I’m not speaking yours, yet she understands me.” He laughed slightly. “Oh, they are good, aren’t they? Very clever.”
“Who are they?” Wendy asked.
He snapped out of it, “Oh, Oh, my people back home. I am the only one on this first spaceship to Earth. With our telepathy, they can alter our minds together mending our thoughts and translating them into our own language. Brilliant, isn’t it?”
“Yes, wow, that’s crazy! The first one… How long did it take you to get here then?”
“Many, many months.”
“Where are you from?”
“Beyond your galaxy. Far away on a strange asteroid perpetually hurtling inside an endless black hole. Terrifying, but it’s home! Ah!”
Looking out into the starry skies, he pondered missing his asteroid.
“But enough with the questions! I have traveled far. Is there a government or palace or emperor or king that I may question? And what is this place? This strange toiled land before me?”
He slithered among the rocky forest with his tentacles writhing all around and destroying trees poisoning the soil with his acid slime as he was oblivious as a mother-in-law teaching her son’s wife how to scrub the stove top.
“Is this some kind of weapons depot? An armory? A testing facility for nuclear warfare? What is it?”
“It’s a farm.”
“A farm? What is that? I don’t think we have a word for that in our vocabulary.”
“It’s where you plant things and nurture things like food. You raise animals on it?”
“And do you shoot these creatures?”
Her face twisted, “Yeah, but only when we eat them.”
“Eat them? Raw and bloody?” he foamed at the mouth.
Wendy was starting to feel uncomfortable. “No, we cook them?”
“With a torch of flames?” Taking out his fire blaster, his giant alien technology gun shot out flames of fire from its tip.
Nervous she said, “Yes… But in our homes.”
“I’m starting to think your culture is very strange. Why wouldn’t you just construct an intergalactic trade exporting goods and services with the other Dimension Jumpers across the galaxy in order to provide yourselves with the appropriate technology for self-sustaining homes for millions? I’m at a loss for words.”
“Yeah, well, maybe we’re not the smartest in the galaxy.”
“I knew it! I knew it! But they didn’t believe me! I knew you puny little humans would be stupid!”
Wendy was stunned at him as he journeyed through and saw her little humble farmhouse.
“Oh, that’s the farm?” TH said pitifully. “It is rather small and unimpressive. But I shouldn’t have been surprised.”
Looking around nervously, Wendy suddenly realized that this was the most incredible thing she had seen in quite a while. If anybody else saw this, they would either scream or call the government resulting in TH’s death or quarantine but Wendy found it intriguing and exhilarating.
“OK, well,” TH started loudly. “What if I told you I could change something into a completely different thing with this little device in my hands.”
He pulled out a little gizmo that looked like a tiny scanner with a screen glowing green as he pointed it directly at her house.
“Uh…” Sweat dripped from her brow and anxiety loomed over her. “I would say, maybe let’s not-”
BOOM!
A big green blast came forth from the little gizmo. Wendy looked flabbergasted. A green hue glowed all around her house as it vanished and then a new facility was suddenly in its place.
A giant military warehouse with helicopters swarmed around and men in uniform saluted one another.
“What is that?” Wendy asked pointing at the weird alien blaster.
“A High Powered Extraterrestrial Infusion Blaster!” he laughed. “Pretty neat, huh?”
“Uh… my parents they’re…Put it back, put it back!” she screamed
“OK, no problem. Sorry, sometimes this thing has a mind of its own.”
He turned a little dial and it shined green and dispersed its glow again as a ray of green light transformed the scene.
Suddenly, a huge lava lake lay before them with rocky cliffs surrounding the whole land. Then a huge monster burst out of the lava and roared with furious rage as its scaly and green dragon body looked at them with its red glaring eyes.
“Whoops! That’s not what we want!”
TH turned the dial again on his device as the monster’s face was inches away from the two striking down. But the green light burst out again as the scene suddenly changed into a little white box house gleaming with a white glow.
It was motionless until a tiny little white stick figure opened the little door and came out sighing deeply. He looked out into the night sky with no face but was a 2-D figured man with white stick arms akimbo.
“Change it back! Where’s my family?” Wendy asked hyperventilating.
“Give me a second,” the blue alien whispered trying to figure out how this blaster worked.
Then the little white person called out, “Hey, who’s out there?”
“Change it, change it!”
“I’m trying! Hold on!” He hit it and then a red light ejected and blasted the little white stick figure with no face consuming him. He screamed in agony disintegrating in the air.
“Ooh! Sorry, that was the incinerator,” he chuckled and then saw Wendy giving him an evil stare. “Sorry. “We’ll turn it back, don’t worry.”
The green light shot out again and consumed the whole white scene. Suddenly, it changed back to Wendy’s farm.
TH wiped his beady forehead. “Whew! Well, that was close. Here you go, good as new!”
Wendy looking like she was about to attack TH, breathed and calmed herself.
“Thank you, TH.”
“Oh, you’re welcome, Wendy! Well, I should probably rest for the night but will you show me around tomorrow morning? Please?” he pleaded with her. “I would love to see the great outdoors as you Earth people call it and maybe make some contact with your world leaders.”
“Yeah, it’s the weekend. I should be able to.”
“Wow, thanks a lot, little being! Farewell for now.”
TH, the strange alien from a distant planet ran fast onto the hovering platform that brought him floating back into his massive ship glimmering in the darkness hidden in the woods. A little pod opened up and sucked him inside the ship.
Wendy frolicked in the fields back to her house with the chimney producing smoke.
She stepped in and opened the door as her mother came running out almost stomping on top of her daughter. She screamed in a panicky fury.
“Wendy! What happened to me? What happened to us?!”
Wendy gasped and held her mouth that was opened wide because her mother was a giant red furry monster with evil yellow eyes sounding just as before.
“I-I-I-I don’t know, Mom! Is that you?” Wendy asked horrified.
“Yes, dear, and your father…”
Wendy glanced and then saw a little cockroach come slowly up and then squeaked, “Wendy! It’s Dad! Help me!”
Wendy turned and looked out into the green forest as terror filled her mind wondering what to do.
“Uh… I’ll be right back.” And then she ran off looking for her alien friend.
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